


Pray for Tomorrow

by Fyahlord



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Military, F/F, Multi, Soldier AU, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-25 20:24:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3823642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fyahlord/pseuds/Fyahlord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The war stated when Laura was 17 years old. She was 18 when she was drafted and 19 when she was shipped off.<br/>She was 19 years old, but her heart, her soul felt older. She no longer wanted to explore the world, to seek knowledge and find answers. She had seen it all, and what she saw was terrible. It had only been a week, and already it felt like a life time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer I don't own any of these characters.  
> Warning This fanfic will contain graphic descriptions of violence, death and war time experiences (PTSD, Swearing, etc)  
> there will be other trigger warnings most likely as the story progresses.  
> This is not an accurate portrayal of war, it is fiction, I'll try and make it a realistic as possible but this is just a fanfic and it won't be prefect at all.  
> I am leaving Waring countries ambiguous, so as not to offend anyone, also i don't believe that it is important for the story, they can be any country you want them to be etc, but i will not mention which side is which, as to not demonize any country (Also i hadn't really thought about who was who in this war and seeing as though it fictional it shouldn't really matter)  
> this story is inspired all quiet on the western front which is a war novel set in ww1. this story has no specific time period but it will be similar conditions to what soldiers faced in ww1 and ww2.

**“Older men declare war. But it is youth that must fight and die.”**  
― Herbert Hoover [  
](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/209936.Herbert_Hoover)

 

 

**She’d thrown up again, third time, and she’d only been there week.  She has to stop, or she’ll begin to develop a reputation.**

The war stated when Laura was 17 years old. She was in her final year of high school. There had been talks of war, years prior but they never thought it would ever happen. And soon the drafting started happening.

Many were excited of course. You couldn’t walk down the schools halls without over hearing kids talking about signing up to defend their country. Fresh faced 17 year olds waiting for the day they turned 18 so they could sigh up or be drafted.

Growing up in a small town many people placed a lot of value in honour and duty. Soon after the war began, every house you went by had the nation’s flag flying high, every weekend there was a bake sale or charity event to raise money for the troops. Soldiers and ex-soldiers would come in to schools to give speeches about the glory of war to inspire the youth. And outside every mall, supermarket, sports oval there were always sign up tables.

Laura didn’t pay much mind, the war didn’t interest her, it was something far away, a problem for someone else to fix.

Her friends Lafontaine and Perry also shared her similar disinterest and the three decided to focus to on getting into University. That was until Danny signed up.

Danny Lawrence was a close family friend, the girl next door if you will. Tall, beautiful and athletic, Laura had always had had crush on the red head. She was a couple years older than Laura and her friends but they considered her part of the group.

“’I’m leaving for boot camp in a week” she announced one day when they were all hanging out in Laura’s backyard.

Lafontaine was pissed, “Fine see if I care if you get blown up” they yelled after Danny tried to explain her reason. Perry didn’t say anything, just silently followed Lafontaine after they stormed off.

“I’ll miss you Danny” Laura said after the others left.

“I’ll be back soon, boot camp is only for a year and a bit, I’ll be back before you know it” She smiled.

* * *

 

Danny kept to her promise and was back the next year, dressed proudly in her uniform when Laura went to meet her at the train station.

The time apart seemed to mend Lafontaine and Danny’s relationship. As the all four friends decided to go camping in the forest not far from the town. They told Danny all about what she had missed during her time away and she told them all about the new things she had learnt during her training.

“I’m shipping out” Danny whispered that night as they sat around the fire. Danny tried to look strong and brave, but couldn’t hide the sob that broke out.

No one said anything, not even Lafontaine, instead they got up and hugged there friend, for this could very well be one of the last times they ever get to.

Danny left a month later, flying many miles away to fight a war no one really knew much about. All anyone really seemed to know was enemy = bad, us = good. And for the most part people seemed content with.

Aside from Danny leaving the effects of the war were not being felt at all back home. Everyone went about their daily business. Some woman down the street would hold a neighbourhood barbeque and mothers and fathers would all get together and discuss how proud they were of their sons and daughters for fighting for their country.

“My son Daniel, just sent me a letter home, he said he’s been promoted to a specialist”

“Well my daughter has just graduated from air force training, she said she’s waiting to see if she’ll be deployed”

They all laughed and chatted, glass of red wine in one hand, enjoying the summer sun. It was a good time to be alive. War was just another discussion topic, and nothing more.

 

* * *

 

She was eating breakfast when her father came in caring the mail. She’ll never forget the way the smile fell from his face and how his whole body seemed to stop functioning, dropping the hand full of letters onto the kitchen floor.

“Dad” she cried rushing over to him as he plunged to his knees. When he didn’t respond she looked down at the letters on the floor. Bills, Bills, magazines, coupons, all of that was normal.

Until she saw one that was unlike the rest. She knew what it was, when she saw the military logo in left hand corner and her name on the front. Not wanting to believe it, or just out false hope it was a mistake, Laura snatched the letter off the floor, ripping it open.

**“Dear Miss Laura Hollis”**

**“You are hereby ordered to report for induction into the ARMED FORCES, please report to-**

She couldn’t read anymore, she just slumped down next her father. They stayed like that for the rest of the night, he held as she sobbed into his chest.

 

She invited Lafontaine and Perry to her house the next day and told them the news, she was proud that she didn’t break down crying again. Both looked as heartbroken as her father. Like they had already deemed her dead and gone. It annoyed Laura little, but she said nothing.

“I’m coming with you” Lafontaine said after the initial shock wore off.

“Like hell you are” snapped Perry “Do you want to get killed”, she shot Laura an apologetic look, but it didn’t work and Laura felt herself swallow bile.

“Perry, this is not your choice to make” Lafontaine sighed, making Perry even angrier.

“So I don’t have a say in this, none at all?” She asked, her voice sounded desperate, pleading Lafontaine to prove her wrong.

“None” Laf choked out, their hand’s clenched in fists.

Perry opened her mouth as if to continue arguing but quickly turned and ran out of the room crying.

 “Laf-“ Laura began only to be cut off.

“I’m coming whether you like it or not, I may be against this war, but dam if I let it take another one of my friends from me, besides you’ll need me, you’ll need someone to watch your back”

 

That was over a year ago.

 

* * *

 

And now here she was 19 years old working as a nurse, barely 10 miles from the front lines. Saying you were a nurse during a war, doesn’t really have the same reaction as saying you were soldier. For some reason most people don’t seemed respect military nurses as much, something Laura found out at boot camp. But on the battlefield, you are a soldier, a warrior no matter what your role is.

The first night there was surreal experience. She’d been awake for more than 48 hours, even though they were told to sleep on the plane, and even after they finally touched down she didn’t want to sleep. Everything was kind of a blur at first, they were each given a bunk, and a foot locker to put their packs in. Laura’s was next to Lafontaine’s, they both smiled tightly at each other, glad that they would not be alone.  It was a dump, no building in sight, just masses of dark green and brown tents. The air was damp, and it was almost always cold. The ground was wet, and you had to trudge through about a foot of mud to get anywhere.

After the quick tour around the camp, which was basically showing them were the toilet was and what direction the front line was they were ordered to go to sleep immediately as they were “Going to be in for a hell of day tomorrow”.

The blanket barely covered her, but luckily the jacket she had been given was about two sizes too big. But even then she couldn’t sleep. No one else could either it seemed. They stayed up talking, making friends with the other women in their unit. Every now and again they would here a soldier from another tent shout “Shut the fuck up”, but they were all too wired and on edge to listen.

The platoon sergeant burst into the tent around 2 am screaming for all of them to get up, and they were needed at the medical bay ASAP because something had happened. The entire unit all snapped into action running around getting dressed, pushing each other out the door like sheep being herded.

The smell was what hit them first. The kind of smell that makes you reel back, and gag upon first whiff. The smell of burning flesh, vomit, blood and faeces filled into their noses, making Laura want to turn and run. It was a heavy smell, dense, like it was something physically there. Upon entering the medical tent, they were greeted by older more experienced nurses, all yelling instructions and barking orders. “What happened” demanded one of the soldier’s that had lead them there. “Napalm strike” a nurse in her 30s said grimly. And then Laura saw them. Soldiers about 20 of them all lying on medical beds, operation tables and even the floor, each having various degrees of injuries. Some moaned, other’s screamed, guttural sounding almost animalistic. Some could barely even make noises aside from whimpering. One nurse grabbed Laura by the elbow and directed her over to a table where a young male soldier was thrashing against two other nurses. His arms were burnt, almost down to the bone, his face also was burnt the skin around his eyes looked like it had melted and fused back together again. “Hold his legs” the older nurse shouted as the man, no boy, began to buck and scream. But Laura did nothing, she couldn’t move. “Hold his legs dammit!” the nurse tried again, slapping Laura across the face breaking her from her stupor. She went to move but as she did the boy’s unseeing eyes meet hers.

She threw up, all over her shoes, emptying her already empty stomach. “Fucking hell” yelled the older nurse “George grab me that other one over there and take this one back to the tents” she snapped at the same soldier, pointing at Lafontaine.  Laura was roughly removed from the medical bay, along with two other recruits both looking very pale. All three were sent back to their tents where they were to wait till tomorrow, by then they were expected to “GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER” as the sergeant put it when he came in. None of them spoke. One girl just sat on her cot, hugging her knees and whimpering. The other paced for hours, pulling at her hair and rubbing her arms furiously.

Lafontaine came back almost 16 hours later, clothes covered in blood and dirt. They had this haunted look in their eyes when they sat down on the bunk across from Laura. “Don’t” was all they said when Laura opened her mouth to speak. The shorter girl simple nodded.

That night Laura and Lafontaine shared the same bunk. They didn’t talk about what had happened merely held each as they both silently cried. They could hear other recruits sobbing, muttering quietly about home. They wanted to go home, but it was only the first day, who knew how many more there would be till they got to go home, if they ever do.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw blood violence  
> talk of death, people dying
> 
> sorry for grammatical errors

After the first week things got easier, well not easier, but more manageable. ‘Nothing about this job was easy’ Laura would remind herself. She and Laf had both been there for a month now and things were starting to become routine. They get up every morning around 4:30, earlier sometimes if needed. It was like clockwork, get up, have what can barely be called breakfast, be at the medic post by 5:15, work for 16 hours, eat, go to bed. Some nights they’re unit would stay all night for the night shift.

It didn’t matter how much sleep she got, Laura was always tired. They all were tired, but nervous energy kept them on their toes.  They moved around the camp like zombies, there but not really. They were lost, children who walked around wearing the expressions of old men and women. Since being there Laura had lost 9 kilos, her hair had been shaved short after an outbreak of lice infested the camp. Her clothes were too big, eyes were sullen and skin gaunt. Some days she’d wake up and wonder if she was really alive, or if this was some kind of endless dream or nightmare.

The first time someone died on her was the worst moment of her life. In that moment she knew she’d never be the same again. She can still see it in her dreams the way the soldier’s body lurched and convulsed until finally it ceased, and lay still on the table, never to move again. His death wasn’t beautiful or glorified like all the stories said it would be. Instead he cried, begged for his mother and lost control of his bowels. Laura stood there shocked as the other nurses sighed and moved onto the next patient like nothing happened. His name was Thomas Winter, he was 21 years old, and now he was dead.

It rained constantly from dusk till dawn. Harsh and relentless, as if mother nature herself was trying to spite them. Lafontaine joked that they must have ‘pissed God off’ somehow. They were always joking now, always saying some witty or sarcastic comment, just to keep Laura grounded, to keep them both smiling. They became very popular with the other troops, due to their sharp tongue and gleeful nature. But Laura knew it was just a façade, a way of coping.

Laura seemed to be the opposite. She was once a loud and open girl, always up for a laugh. Now she was closed off and guarded. It was easier not to get hurt when you felt nothing at all.

Everything was a struggle. From waking up in the morning still soaking wet from the night before. Trudging through ankle deep rivers of mud. To not being able to sleep because the screams of the day before still haunted all their dreams.

But they managed somehow. The first month was over, the initial shock gone. Now they were numb.

“Hold them down” an older nurse would scream, and Laura would now snap into action. Pinning the trashing man or woman to the operating table. They would kick, scream, bite and crawl. Laura often left the med bay with scratches down her arms and broken fingernails.

Today however was a lot calmer. Last night’s serving of bake beans and ham was off and many people had come down with food poisoning. The idea of vomit and diarrhoea is an unpleasant one, but for Laura it beat missing limbs and third degree burns any day.

“Ughhhh it hurts” one of the newer recruit’s complained clutching his stomach. Laura had to bite her tongue not to snap. ‘He doesn’t know what pain is’ she thought bitterly, thinking back to all the horrible things she had seen over the past month. She may not have felt it physically, but she had seen pain, and she had lived it.

“Take these and get back to your post soldier, we need this space for emergencies”

She hand’s him two tables and a cup of water and sends him on his way. She doesn’t have time to put up with every little ache and pain these so called soldiers feel, but it is a nice break. She sighs heavily, it had been a long uneventful day. She finds a crate to sit on, and kicks her aching feet up.

“Uhh can you believe this” Lafontaine huffs, walking over from the other side of the tent. Their entire front is covered in puke. “I just cleaned these last night”.

“Mhmm” Laura nodded tiredly not paying much attention to them, as they try to wipe off the sick.

“You okay L?” They ask sitting down next to Laura.

“Yeah, it’s just been a dull day”

Lafontaine gives her a concerned look, which she chooses to ignore.

“What are you two doing” a voice interrupts them and they both immediately hop to their feet.

The voice belongs to senior nursing officer Victoria King. A woman in her late 30s with a stern face and dull red hair. She was the nurse on the first day who asked for Laura to be removed from the med bay. Now she considered Laura one of her top new recruits. But even so, she was a scary woman that you wouldn’t want to mess with.

“Nothing Ma’am” Lafontaine stuttered, only to receive a look of distain from King. She eyed both the younger nurses and Laura could practically feel the sweat radiating off Laf.

“Hollis, Lafontaine, take the rest of the day off, I don’t need you loitering around my med bay” she snapped, dismissing the pair.

“Of course Ma’am” Laura saluted, with Lafontaine who was a beat behind.

“Holy shit, the day off, I think I might watch some TV… oh wait there isn’t one” Lafontaine mocked as they left the tent.

Laura nodded solemnly, but a day off was something not be taken for granted. They both wandered aimless for away not really knowing what to do with themselves. They were so use to being busy all the time.

“Holy shit” Yelled a soldier nearby and both nurses immediately snapped into action, grabbing the pistols strapped to their thighs, eyes darting around for the danger. But there was none, in fact the soldier was smiling. More people heard the man’s yell and all rushed to find out what was going on.

In the distance coming from the direction of the front line a group of about 10 people trudged towards them. Laura and Lafontaine still remained tense, hands glued to their weapons. But everyone else around them seemed to be in a state of joy and disbelief.

“They’re back” one woman screamed, and a group of older officers and soldiers all cheered.  The figures could be made out a little better now. Two people lead the front riding horses, whilst the rest walked, stumbled and hobbled behind. Some were being carried, whilst others looked like they were barely staying on their feet, shuffling along like zombies. “There were 60 of them when they headed out” someone whispered next to Laura. Laura felt the sting of tears in her eyes, but quickly swiped them away, now was not the time for tears, not when everyone could see.

“Get a medic” one of the people on top the horses called out in a rough voice, and Laura immediately sprinted towards them. Only to stop dead still when she reached the mounted soldiers.

She looked barely recognisable, cover head to toe in black and grey mud. Her clothes were ripped and dry blood was splatter all over her face and chest. But there was Danny Lawrence. Her once long red hair was now short, dull and black with mud. But to Laura’s relief she didn’t look too badly injured.

“Oh my god, Laura?” the older woman croaked out her voice cracking painfully, as she hopped off her horse. She strode over to Laura less than three steps, staring at the short blonde as if she could hardly believe she was real.

Laura said nothing, instead, flung her arms around the tall red head, holding her tight like the entire world depended on it.

“Why..why..” she heard Danny whisper, and Laura’s only response was to hold on tighter.

“What the- Holy shit Danny?” Lafontaine gasped, puffing heavily as they skidded to a stop in front of the hugging pair.

“Laf, good to see you” Danny choked out with a very watery forced smile. It wasn’t good to see them, either of them, not here.

“We need a medic NOW” a soldier shouted. Laura reluctantly let go of Danny “We’ll talk later, but first I need to do my job and you need to go to the medic post” Laura ordered, and Danny nodded firmly. There was a loud thud, as two of the returning soldiers collapsed into the mud. One was breathing heavily, appearing to have only collapsed out of exhaustion from carrying the other. The other, a woman, was barely breathing and seemed to be completely oblivious to what was going on. Clearly in shock or fevered.  Lafontaine reached the fallen soldier first, immediately ripping off their soaking mud cover jacket. Underneath the woman’s t-shirt was completely covered in blood.

“Shit this one has been shot twice” Lafontaine called out to Laura, as the blonde kneeled down next to them. The soldier was small, barely taller than Laura. Her face was scarcely visible under the all the dirt and blood but Laura couldn’t help but marvel at the wounded soldier’s beauty. Pulling up the woman shirt Laura could see the overlap of many dirty blood soaked bandages. “Dam” Laura muttered, dirty bandages on open wounds could lead to deadly infections. Blood was oozing out lazily and Laura could see, burns all up the right side of the woman’s body reaching up to her neck and face. This woman was dying. “We need to get her to the med tent ASAP” Laura snapped, ordering two large male soldiers to lift the woman off the ground.

Upon being lifted the woman seemed to come too and began to panic. “EL” she shouted, her unfocused eyes darting around the base. “EL!” she screamed again this time more desperate. If Laura wasn’t use to these sudden outburst by now she probably would have covered her ears.

The med bay that was almost empty earlier that day was now a battlefield. Upon entering the tent her eyes caught Danny’s who was sitting on a cot, whilst a nurse gently cleaned her bloodied face. She gave Laura a small smile indicating that she was alright.

“Put her down here” Lafontaine demanded, and the dying soldier was gently place onto the table.

“Okay we need blood ASAP” Laura snapped at one of the other nurses who was at her side in a second with a hand full of blood bags.

“We need to close those wounds”

“El! Where is she!” the woman yelled once again, managing to almost get off the table, only to be held down by Lafontaine. “Let me go! I need to Find her!”. Her adrenaline must have been off the chart because she was almost able to throw Lafontaine off her.

“Do we have any anaesthesia” They barked, struggling to keep the distressed soldier on the table.

“No” came a voice on the other side of the room “we used the last of it over two days ago, and no new shipments have arrived”.

“Great…” they muttered. This was going to be a difficult surgery.

“Karnstein” Laura said “That’s the name that’s on her jacket”.

“Karnstein, I’m going to need you to cooperate, do you understand” Lafontaine said slowly.

Karnstein looked confused, like she couldn’t hear what they were saying. “Where’s El” the injured soldier demanded again, this time angrier.

“Laf you’ll need to talk louder” Laura informed, completely ignoring the woman’s repeated question, she was used this by now. “Her eye drums are blown” the blonde pointed to the blood trickling down the woman’s ears.

“Dam poor fucker, burnt, shot…twice and most likely deaf” Lafontaine shook their head, and Laura agreed sadly. It was hard to be numb all the time, sometimes she felt herself slip, and the depression would set in.

“Karnstein” Lafontaine shouted, getting the woman’s attention “We don’t have any anaesthesia, but we are going to have to operate, I warn you this will hurt a lot”.

“I don’t give a fuck, tell me where El is god dammit”

“Carmilla!” Danny voice boomed over the whole med bay, as she stormed over to the soldier. “El is dead!, she died two days ago, you were there, she died in your arms”, the tall woman snaps, but her eyes are full of sympathy.

“No Shut UP, YOU’RE LYING” she suddenly moves to lunge at Danny, but is barely able to lean on her elbows. She’s fading quickly.

“We need to operate now” Laura pushes between Danny and Carmilla. “Some get some rope so we can gag her, I don’t want her biting her own tongue off!”

“No” Carmilla rasps out as Lafontaine grabs to rope “just let me go… let me go, let me be with El”

And then she collapses onto the operating table.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for talks of death  
> gore  
> mild medical talk  
> PTSD  
> implied depression   
> any glaring grammatical issues, feel free to point out  
> I'd love some reviews on what you guys think :)

_Dear Dad_

_How are you?_

_Me, I doing fine. Things over here a busy, but we’re all doing okay. Too be honest it’s a lot better than I expected, and I am proud to be serving my country. The men and women in my unit are amazing, we are like family now, I am honoured to call them my brothers and sisters._

_We haven’t seen much action from the front, but a few days ago a platoon returned from a mission behind enemy lines. They bravely fought the enemy and were able to hold them back for 3 whole months before reinforcements arrived. Most have returned well and unharmed._

_I will admit the food here awful, even worse than yours (and that’s saying something haha), I actually miss your cooking. When I get home which hopefully will be soon maybe you can bake me some Macaroni and cheese, with potatoes chips on top. For some reason I’ve been really craving it._

_Laf’s been a blast. They’re such a prankster. Last week they hid all my right foot shoes, and I didn’t even notice I was wearing two left foot shoes till lunch time. Too be fair I was very tired, haha early mornings and late nights are kind of the thing around here, not that I’m complaining. It gives me a sense of purpose that I’ve never felt before._

_I hope you are doing well, and I promise I will be home soon_

_Lots of love_

_Laura xxx_

_p.s. Tell Perry I miss her also, and she should be very proud of Laf all the amazing work they are doing to help keep you guys at home safe._

 

It was bullshit. All of it. But it was better than the truth. He didn’t need to hear the truth. No he needed hear about honour, about duty and pride. All the shit that they tell back home. ‘Your daughter fought with honour’, ‘your son is a hero’ they thrive on that, because the truth is too hard to stomach. ‘Your daughter pleaded for death’, ‘your son died alone, frightened and in unbearable pain’ words that no parent wants to hear, but they’re the truth

She didn’t write to her father for the first two weeks. She couldn’t, not without breaking down in tears and ruining the paper.

_~~‘Daddy I’m scared, I want to come home, please, please take me home’~~ _

So she waited, waited until she was strong enough to write without crying, without begging him to come get her like she was away on some summer camp.

“You done Hollis?” asked a woman in her unit named Cloe, but like everyone else went her last name, Hu. Hu was a very straightforward woman, stoic, but well known for sarcastic one liners, which left the rest of the group in stitches.

“Yeah Hu, here” Laura said handing her letter to the other woman.

“Cool” Hu nodded adding the letter to her pile “I’ll get these shipped off right now, anyways Second Lieutenant Lawrence has been asking for you again, best head over there soon”.

Laura nodded and headed over to the medical tent.

 

* * *

 

It had been a week since the platoon had returned, with some not making it. They lost two. One a tall man with dark curly hair named Richard, his stomach had been punctured multiply times by shrapnel, and he was practically dead on arrival. They fought hard to save him, but he lost his fight quickly. The other a mousey looking woman named Monica how had similar injuries but to her legs, which were almost completely blown off. She made it through the first night. But her legs were beyond saving and the medical team decided to amputate. They waited till they got a new shipment of anaesthetic, but by then infection had spread. Laura was part of the team that were to amputate Monica’s legs. Her veins were visible through the skin, brown and filled with bacteria and decay. The operation was gruelling, the noise the saw made as it cut through the unconscious woman’s bones, was beyond nauseating. But still even after removing her legs they were unable to save her.

However Karnstein, the one everyone expected to perish, pulled through. A miracle some might say, but Laura knew it was because her and her team worked their asses to keep the soldier alive. Karnstein went into Cardiac arrest when she collapsed on the operating table that night she was brought in. They only just barely managed to bring her back. It was a pain in the ass, neither shots were clean and both bullets were lodged in her body. She woke up once during surgery, but was in too much shock and pain to scream, she ended up passing out again. Once the bullets were removed Laura had the pleasant job of stitching Karnstein back up. They didn’t expect her to make it through the night, but when Laura entered the medical tent the next morning Karnstein was still there hanging on. She was in a coma, and her vitals were weak, but she was alive.

The return of the mostly injured, shell shocked platoon meant the medical bay was now always occupied. Most soldiers that returned were beyond traumatized. Some would just fly in hysterical episodes that to the eye appeared too brought on by nothing. Once Laura was treating one of them for an infected cut, when he just started screaming bloody murder. He had to be retrained as he tackled an unsuspecting Laura to the floor. She went to bed that night with a bruised ass. Others would remain silent, simply staring off into space, refusing to talk, to eat, to cooperate in anyway. Just nothing, it was like they’re mind had left but their body had remained behind. They… unsettled Laura more than the screamers.

Danny seemed to be functioning…. In a somewhat normal way. She was allowed to leave the emergency tent and was given a bed in the recovery ward. Laura would visit her every day. She didn’t scream or cry or mutter nonsense under breath. She didn’t stare at nothing, her eyes weren’t dead… well not completely. But something wasn’t right, and Laura sensed that.

“I can’t talk about it Laura” Danny would whisper each time whenever Laura asked what happened. Her voice always sound like she was on the verge of tears, eyes darting around the tent looking for danger. Though none of Danny's injuries were life threatening, the taller girl was terribly bruised and cut, like she had been viciously beaten.

Today though, something defiantly wasn’t right.

* * *

 

“You look older” she croaks as Laura sits with her “Something about your hair, your eyes… your clothes… you look older than I remember… 17 that’s how old you were when I left, I was 19….. I feel older, tired, I don’t feel 21 and you don’t look 19”.

Once, years ago when Laura was still 17, she would have comforted the red head. But like Danny said, they are older now, naivety is behind them. Comfort would just be a lie and in places like this the truth is all you have. So Laura remains quiet as Danny sucks in a trembling breath.

“There are talks” Danny continues “ talks of sending some of us home… not fit for duty or some bullshit… I want to leave… but I don’t, well… more like I can’t, like even if I did I wouldn’t-…. I have to stay, I have to stay” She begins to repeats over and over again, each time growing more hysterical.

“Danny, Danny, calm down it’s okay, you’re okay” Laura moves to sooth the older woman. She gently placed her hands on the red head’s shoulders carefully ease her back into her bed. “Hey come now, your being dumb, now one is going to send you away” Laura tried to joke, letting out a fake chuckle, she didn’t want Danny to accidentally injure herself further.

“Laura” Danny snaps, latching onto Laura’s forearm tightly, eyes frantic and wide “No matter what don’t let them take you, I can still hear them…. They’re screams…. I have to go, I need to be somewhere, it’s my fault, I-I left them, I left them behind”. She was making no sense, and Laura felt tear’s sting her eyes as she watched her friend completely break down. “Karnstein was right….. she…FUCK!”

“I need a sedative” She yelled as Danny began slamming her fists down on to her mattress. Lafontaine heard Laura’s shout and immediately rushed in with a needle only to stop dead when she saw her friend thrashing on the bed.

With a heavy sigh Laura snatched the needle out of Laf’s frozen hand. She jabbed it into Danny’s side without a second thought. Very slowly Danny seemed to relax, she could no longer find the strength to lift her arms, and her eye began drooping, until finally she was asleep.

“What the hell happened!” Lafontaine demanded still frozen in the doorway.

_This war._

“I don’t know”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahah sorry this is really bad, it took forever to write and it sucks  
> but i have all these ideas for this story, its just really hard to get them down hha  
> if there are any grammar issues that a bothering you, tell me and i'll hopefully fix it

_She fits and seizes as she comes too. Garbling out words, slurring strings of sentences that no one can understand. She moans, eyes rolling back into her head, a continuous struggle, falling in and out of consciousness, breath coming out in pants and rasps._

_A voice is yelling in her ear, but she can’t make out what they’re saying._

_Everything is too bright and loud, she’s surrounded, and people are touching her._

_‘They’re going to hurt you’ a voice whispers._

_She begins to panic._

 

* * *

 

**Weeks later**

Danny was right, many of the returning soldiers were to be sent home. And as harsh as it sounded most of them were useless. Some could barely hold guns anymore, let alone shoot one. And the ones that could refused or went into fits of panic.

Danny had calmed down significantly since her meltdown and demanded to be given a physical and Psych evaluation.

And though reluctant the doctors allowed it, after receiving news of numerous losses on the front lines in the South. Soldiers were dying faster than new ones could replace.

Danny passed the exams… barely. And after much debate from the unseen higher ups and the head medical staff she was allowed to stay.

Laura disagreed with the decision.

‘She needs to be sent home’ was all Laura said when the head doctor when he asked for her opinion.

She didn’t tell Danny. It was for the best the red head never knew.

 

Danny’s mood seemed to improve greatly, to the point where she seemed to be ecstatic about everything.

“What are you on about the food here is great” she would beam every morning, eagerly shovelling down mouthfuls of grey slop, as the rest camp grumbled about mold and expiry dates.

“You can have mine” Lafontaine muttered one morning shoving their metal dish over to the ravenous red head.

“Thanks Laf this stuff is good, a lot better than what we got-“she never finished the sentence, instead her eyes glazed over staring off into the distance. Her shovelling became slower, but maintained a constant pace as she spaced out. No one asked, instead they all returned to their meals, knowing somethings are best left unspoken.

 

 

Though Danny seemed to be improving overall morale was plummeting with the return of the platoon. Supplies were already low and now with more people to feed rations were stricter. The returning soldier’s had done little to inspire, with most screaming and crying at the drop of a hat. Making the other troops nervous about being sent to the front line. Most avoided the survivors, but their presence at the camp brought a lingering sense of dread and unease.

Things hit rock bottom when two of the survivors were found dead, wrists slashed, faces blue from the cold, lying face down in the mud behind the toilets. That’s when it was decided they all had to be sent away.

 

The aircrafts came that weekend to take them home. There was no fanfare or teary goodbyes, the remaining platoons just watch silently as planes took off. Some watched with envy, others secretly felt relief, there were now less mouths to feed.

Danny was the only person who seemed genuinely upset. Standing tall and rigid in a teary salute as the plane takes off, maintaining her position even after the aircraft is out of sight. 

Lafontaine was the one who approached her, wrapping their arms around Danny’s thin waist, leading the broken solider back to the camp. Laura lingered behind them feeling out of place.

When they return back to camp Laura decided not to join pair, leaving them to lie together in Laf’s cot, whispering to each other words of support and love that Laura no longer wanted to hear.

Anger and jealously burned through her mind as she watched the pair comfort each other, silent tears running down their cheeks. Unable to take the feeling of being left out she stormed off from the tent.

She ended up wandering around the camp aimlessly for a while, trying to cool down and understand her sudden rage.

But she found no answers in her brooding, and decided she needs something to occupy her mind before she ends up finally snapping.

Her feet take her to the med bay just as the sun begins to dip behind the trees.

 

* * *

 

The med tent is surprisingly empty. Well as empty as it can be, which means there is at least 10 people occupying it. All seem to be just sitting around, dazed or just relaxing.

“Oh hey Hollis” greets one of her teammates, handing her a clipboard with shaky hands. His jittery movements and the dark circles under his eyes clearly show signs of sleep deprivation.

She gives him a tight lipped smile muttering “Thanks Ryan” as she takes the clipboard, checking over the notes.

She rubs her eyes tiredly but knows she’ll be getting no sleep tonight, so with a heavy sigh she says “Why don’t you go get some rest, take the night off, I’ll take your shift”.

“Really? Oh man thanks Hollis, I thought I was gonna pass out” he laughs, but Laura knows he’s not joking.

Laura just nods, and begins getting to work, hoping it will take her mind of… well everything.

The patient list is short, with all being just minor sicknesses and injuries, but one name stands out.

Carmilla Karnstein

‘What? That can’t be correct, she would have been sent home, surely’ Laura thinks as reads through Carmilla’s medical file ‘No way she can stay here’.

But in a bed tucked away in the far corner lies the still unconscious soldier.

Laura approaches Carmilla and sits down in the chair by the soldier’s bedside.

‘It’s been 3 weeks and she still hasn’t woken up, if it was up to me I’d pull the plug’ Laura thinks grimly ‘Why didn’t they send you home, why leave you die in a place like this?’

A heaviness sits in Laura’s chest and she’s shocked when a silent unexpected tear rolls down her face. She’s not sure who’s she crying for, Danny, Carmilla, herself but for the first time in a while Laura felt genuinely sad. It doesn’t last long, angrily she swipes her tears away on the back of her sleeve. She quickly looks around to make sure no one saw, but most people are too busy working or trying to catch a quick nap.

“You know, in some ways you might be the lucky one” she whispers, placing her hand on top the unconscious soldier’s.

Laura lets out a bitter laugh, “Fuck now I’m envying the dying, maybe I am finally going crazy huh?”. She bites back a sob and grips Carmilla’s hand, squeezing it harder.

She knew not to expect the unconscious soldier to answer, however did not expect to hear the sudden grasp pant and twitching of Carmilla’s hand.

“Holy shit” Laura mutters in shock, letting go of Carmilla’s hand.

Though still shocked Laura steps back, knowingly giving Carmilla space as the soldier slowly came to.

It’s a slow process at first, with a lot of moaning, panting, grasping and shaking. Her eyes slowly peeked open, and then would flutter shut. This went on for a while and Laura stayed close, checking the bed every now and again to ensure Carmilla hadn’t messed herself. Luckily for both of them she hadn’t.

Then it happens all at once, the soldier shakes her head once… then twice, and suddenly her eyes snap open and Carmilla’s dark eyes are stare up blankly at Laura.

Laura slowly walks over to the bed, making sure her movements aren’t startling as Carmilla watches her, eyes wide and frightened.

 

“Can you hear me?” Laura asks, her voice clear and her mouth close to the writhing soldier’s ear, hoping that Carmilla can understand her.

“W-whr” Karnstein moans, chest heaving, her whole body is covered in sweat and her eyes are rolling around in her head, looking in every direction.

Not recognising her surroundings Carmilla attempts to escape, but didn’t even manage to get into a sitting position before she flops back down onto the bed.  Not being able to run, she begins ripping at the sheets, her whole body quaking, trying to get away.

“Dammit” Laura mutters, when the Carmilla begins convulsing. ”Hey I need some help over here”

Two other nurses rush over and grab Carmilla’s thrashing shoulders, pinning her to the bed.

Carmilla lets out a guttural scream, and starts kicking, trying to break free of their hold.

“Guys that’s not what I meant now she’s panicking” Laura shouts, pushing the two male nurses out the way “when I said help I didn’t mean man handling her, just fuck off the both of you”.

The pair don’t move right away, both hesitant to leave Laura with this thrashing and potentially dangerous patient. She literally shoos them away, ranting and swearing at them to make them leave.

“Hey, Hey!, calm down soldier” Laura demands, roughly pinning Carmilla’s head to the pillow, forcing the dark hair woman to look at her , the method is unorthodox, but in situations like this, Laura’s learnt you can’t always play it by the books, especially in a place like this

“You’re safe, no one is going to hurt you, breath in and out” she orders and Carmilla lets out a shuttering brief.

“Good, now again breath in and out” Laura says mimic the calming breaths.

Carmilla’s breaths are short and clipped but she begins to calm down to the point she no longer needs Laura holding her down.

 

“Ar ou going to kil me?” Carmilla slurs loudly, eyes trying to focus on Laura’s face.  Laura is taken back by Carmilla’s loudness but then remembers that Carmilla’s ears are still badly damaged.

“No, I’m not going to kill you, like I said you’re safe, no one is going to hurt” Laura answers bluntly trying to match the soldier’s volume, “Now lie still”.

Carmilla flops back against the pillows, head too heavy to hold up any longer. Laura begins her check-up, and much to Carmilla’s dismay it is a very painful ordeal.

“fck” she groans when Laura tugs too hard on her bandage “ou ar a shit doctr”.

“Shut up” Laura snaps, pulling even harder. She feels bad when Carmilla’s face contorts into a silent scream, and begins wheezing.

The bandages haven’t been changed regularly enough, and are caked with dried blood. Laura works faster trying to remove them, fearing that they may have caused infection.

Her fears are soon confirmed.

With a heavy sigh and a ‘fuck’ Laura, begins for a painful procedure. She curses her incompetent colleagues, but tries to remain calm, for Carmilla’s sake.

“Okay Carmilla, I need you to roll over onto your stomach” Laura says, and Carmilla with Laura’s assistance, painfully rolls over.

“Okay now don’t panic, but I need you to put this in your mouth” Laura hands Carmilla a wet rag.

The soldier looks at it reluctantly, but puts it in her mouth without any argument.

“Good… now I’ve got some bad news, you’re bandages have become stuck to the wound, which means this is going to be very difficult and… painful to remove, now I’m going to count to three, and on three I’m going to rip it off, however I won’t do it until you’re ready, so I want you to give me a thumbs up when you’re ready okay?” Laura says directly in Carmilla’s ear, her tone much more concerned and caring than before.

Carmilla looks over her shoulder, clearly nervous, she continues to stare at Laura for a bit, looking directly in too the blonde’s eyes.  Very slowly she nods and Laura begins to count.

“One”

Carmilla’s body tenses and Laura tightens her grip on the bandage

“Two”

Both women are sweating at this point, and Laura can feel Carmilla begin to shake.

“Three”

There’s a loud rip, followed but a muffled blood curdling scream.

It wasn’t a clean rip though, half of it is still attached.

Carmilla’s side is burning, her mind is dimming, but in the background can hear the doctor counting again 1, 2, 3, and then feels that some searing pain again.

It doesn’t last long as Carmilla once again falls unconscious.

 

* * *

 

Carmilla awakes again not long after. The pain is still there, but it’s much duller, and she feels a little foggy. A hand carefully prodding her wound, it doesn’t hurt, but she tenses at the touch anyway.

“Oh good, you’re awake” comes the voice of the short doctor from before. Carmilla looks over she shoulder to see the blonde, inspecting her back.

“Dm I thout I was dead” Carmilla slurs as the pain starts to become more noticeable.

Laura ignores the soldiers comment.

“hm” Laura muses looking at Carmilla’s injuries “You’re actually… actually healing quite well and quickly, given the circumstances and lack of medical equipment”.

“Is tht meant to make me feel bettr” Carmilla snaps, her speech becoming more audible, her voice now louder as she begins to get use to speaking again.

“Yes well you still are very injured, I have no idea why they didn’t send you back with the others”

To Laura’s surprise Carmilla lets out short bark of Laughter.

“Mother” the soldier mutters bitterly to herself.

Laura decides not to go any further into the topic.

“Well anyway, now that you’re awake you can request a transfer to go home, I’m sure with your injuries they won’t say no” Laura mumbles, taking down notes on Carmilla’s status.

“I’m not going home” Carmilla hisses venomously, “I never was”.

There is a silence between them as Laura removes her hand and Carmilla slowly rolls over, looking the blonde doctor in the eyes.

“My mother… she sent me here for one reason… to die”


End file.
